More Than Blood
by Aggie89
Summary: Dom wants and needs More. Wishful Thinking after or during each episode really.
1. Chapter 1

Dom reached for his coffee mug only to find it empty. He desperately needed more caffeine. He was going to have to head to Pulses. But he'd already had 3 cups of the staff room stuff today and he couldn't bear the thought of more. He headed for the stairs.

He almost turned around once he saw Mum no Carole in the queue but he was desperate and he wasn't sure when he might get the chance to come down again. He sighed and joined the queue behind her. Carole turned around and noticed him, "Dazzle, just in time for a coffee and a muffin with your old Mum" Dom winced when she called herself Mum. "Carole, I've asked you not to call me that it's Dominic, or actually is it? You know neither of you has said what my actual name is. Is it Darren or something else?" Carole paused and looked at him strangely, "No love it's Dominic, Barry and I , we changed it you see but you obviously knew it wasn't right and changed it back but you'll always be my Dazzle"

Dominic was actually stunned he hadn't realised that he'd actually re-chosen his first name. Maybe that's why Ange hadn't said anything about another name she must not have known they called him Darren. There was so much he didn't know about all this and it was making him angry.

Carole could see the storm building, "Why don't you give me your cup and go sit down sweetheart." Dom silently did that lost in his own thoughts again.

How was he supposed to find out any of this? Ange had asked him for time so he'd backed off but he wanted to know everything now. It was just so frustrating. She'd opened up about his Dad and Chloe but then shut him out again. It hurt really that he wasn't her priority.

He hadn't notice Carole join him until she slid his cup and a muffin towards him. "Go on love I'm sure you're peckish hmm" . He supposed he was and maybe it would cheer him up. He reached for it and starting breaking pieces off. Carole starting telling him about her new job and chattering away. He was listening but with half an ear really. Still quite far away in his head. Until he heard the word adoption. "Sorry, what was that?" Carole smiled "I was saying that you can request your adoption file if you like. I know its all gone topsy turvy like but if you hadn't had already known Angel then its how you would've found her you know. And I thought well I suppose I thought it might help."

Dom didn't even realise it was a possibility he'd been so wrapped up in all the feelings he hadn't even thought about the practical did side of things like how when and who.

"I guess I could" he shrugged trying not to show Carole how much he actually wanted to do that now he knew it was an option. How would I do that?" He asked. Carole smiled and said "Well I've spoken to them and they just need a phone call and your papers which I've already sent them and then they can send a copy to you."

Dom asked for the phone number and Carole showed him so he could put it on his phone. He thanked her and finished his muffin. He wasn't ready to talk with her anymore today. Too focused on what he might be able to find out. Carole watched him go with a sad smile. Hoping she'd done the right thing for once.

Dom had phoned the agency last week and now the file was staring at him. They'd sent it over by courier and he really really wanted to open it but he had just finished his shift and should really go home first.

He thought about it and realised Ange wasn't due in for a few hours. He could open it in her office in privacy and then head home after that way he wouldn't have to wait any longer.

He headed over and let himself in. Sat on the sofa and opened the file. The first thing he saw was an envelope with Baby Boy written on the front. He went to open it.


	2. Chapter 2

To My Baby Boy

My name is Angel and I'm your birth mum. I'm not sure how old you are now, your new mum promised to tell you about me when you were old enough and that this would be here for when you wanted to know more.

I'm sorry that I can't keep you with me. I love you so much and I want to keep you, my perfect baby. I have been your Mum for six months now but everything is such a mess and I want to do what best for you.

I was so scared when I realised I was going to have you and I didn't know what to do or who to tell. I knew I wanted to keep you and be your mum but I didn't think my family would let me. My Dad was so angry but I managed to persuade my Mum to let me keep you.

My Dad is a Catholic though and all of the neighbours and our church and his friends knew. He was being snubbed because I was 13 and not married. He'd always hurt us but now he's started to threaten you, my baby. I won't let him hurt you so I have to let you go. The agency said this was the best option for both of us and that you'd have two parents who loved you just as much as I did and could give you so much more.

I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you. I wanted to and I love you. I'll think about you every day and never forget you I promise. I hope we meet again one day.

All My love

Your First Mummy


	3. Chapter 3

Dom sat frozen on the sofa staring at the piece of paper in front on him. The words blurring as he stared at them through the tears that were forming.

He hadn't realised how young Ange had been even though she had given it as the reason she had given him away he hadn't thought about it much through the hurt he was feeling.

13 God at 13 he'd spent most of his time listening to Avril Lavigne and trying to fit in with his school mates. He couldn't even imagine having a baby at that age. Hell, he could only just imagine having a baby now at 32.

When he first found out about this he just felt so rejected. Like he was worthless and not even his mother wanted him. He'd spent the last few weeks trying to work out what a 6-month-old could do that was so bad you'd give them up. But now after reading that.

The relief almost made him want to laugh even though he was already crying. His eyes blurring so much he couldn't read the letter anymore. He put it carefully back into the envelope before his tears managed to drip down and spoil it. He wanted to keep it forever.

He'd been so angry at Ange, Carole, Chloe and even himself and now it was all just fading into sadness. For the baby, he had been but also for Ange and what she must have gone through for him.

He put the letter back in the file and put it aside. He moved so he was resting his head in his hands and just focused on calming down a bit. He'd been feeling so up and down lately and just felt so alone.

Lofty being gone was like a physical ache but he just couldn't bring himself to ruin Shelagh's trip of a lifetime just so he could have someone to lean on. It was so hard pretending that everything was fine on their phone calls. He didn't feel like he had anyone left to talk to, Sacha and Essie couldn't be trusted to keep it quiet and he promised he wouldn't tell Chloe. He supposed he could call Zosia but she'd just had surgery and needed support herself. He was just going to have to cope for now.

Everything is so confusing and he almost wished he could go back to not knowing. Almost.

He changed positions so he was lying on the sofa. He was feeling so tired and drained. After the talk with Ange last week where he promised to give her time to Chloe. Maybe it would be better if he went away for a bit but then he didn't want to give the wrong message about his YAU placement that he'd worked so hard for.

Ange said she was tired too. Maybe she was tired of him? He knew he'd been pushy but he desperately wanted to be part of the family he felt he belonged with. Carole and Barry were his family in a way but he found himself questioning everything now. Maybe Carole would have stood up for him with Barry if he's been her real son. And maybe Barry wouldn't have been so awful although he supposed that was more because of Barry's homophobia than anything else. But then again if he was Barry's real son maybe he would have accepted him better. Urgh, he wasn't getting any calmer if anything he was getting more and more worked up.

Dom sat up resting his head on his knees and started focusing on just breathing. Counting to 4 on each breath in and 6 on each breath out. After about 5 mins he felt calmer. He was just about to start reading through the rest of the file when he heard the code being punched in the door.

He hadn't though Ange was due in for a few more hours. He started to gather up the letter and file and move towards the door. Ange came through and looked up she hadn't been expecting anyone in the room and Dom had been avoiding her all week so she was surprised to see him and stopped in the doorway.

"Sorry I was just finishing some notes before heading home, I'll get out of your way," Dom said as he moved towards her. Ange looked at his face and could see he'd been crying as his eyes were red and puffy and he seemed jittery. She reached out and touched his hand, "Dom is you alright? I haven't seen much of you this week and you seem upset." Dom moved his hand away, he loved that she reached out to him and but he didn't deserve it after the way he had been treating everyone.

He really wanted to just go home and fall apart where no one could see him. He should've waited and opened the file at home.

Ange felt a little hurt that Dom had moved away but she did understand she'd asked for time and he'd tried to give that to her in his own way by pulling back from her. She could see him clutching a file in his other hand. Thinking it would be better to talk work rather than asking him to open up about why he was so upset. "Is that your admin? Anything you want me to take a look at? "She offered.

Dom looked to the door awkwardly but Ange was stood between him and it. "No err it's just a personal thing. Nothing to worry about." Ange closed the door so that the exit was barred for now. "Dom, are you sure you're ok? I know I asked for time but I do care about you"

Dom could feel himself starting to lose his composure, he needed to leave quickly. He didn't want his mum to see how weak he was or how much he needed her to care for him. Just like Isaac used to say Dom wasn't good enough for her. He made to open the door and Ange didn't stop him. But as he grabbed the handle he couldn't stop the tears that had started to fall again.

He felt trapped and didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go out on the ward like this but he also didn't want Ange to see him like this. He was so ashamed of it all. Ange reached for Dom again putting her hand over his on the door handle. She gently pulled his hand off and led him back to the sofa pulling gently on his hand to get him to follow her.

Ange sat down and tugged Dom to sit next to her. She could see the tears dripping down his face but he'd turned his face away from her obviously ashamed of them. She wasn't really sure what to do. He obviously didn't want her to see him like this but she couldn't just let him leave. Dom had pushed her so hard recently and she knew she'd been harsh with him last week

Ange decided that maybe it was best to get Carole. She'd seen her at reception on the way up and was sure she'd be able to spare a few minutes for Dominic. She'd know what to do to calm him down. She went to stand up and said, "It's alright Dom, I'm going to go downstairs and grab your Mum for you ok" .

Dom, however, didn't want Carole, in fact, he wasn't sure he wanted Carole ever again. He couldn't find the words though. He just held on to Ange's hand instead hoping she'd get the message that he didn't want her to go.

Ange felt Dom grab her hand and was a bit flummoxed she really didn't know what to do. She sat back down next to Dom but even then he didn't let go of her hand. "It's alright Dom I'll stay if you want me to. Can you tell me what's got you upset? I don't think I've seen you like this before" Dom just shook his head. He was such a mess he didn't know what he wanted or why he couldn't stop the tears leaking down his face.

Ange noticed he was still clutching onto the folder with his other hand. She went to reach for it thinking maybe something in there had upset Dom. He let her take it from him and as she did an envelope fell out. She looked down and saw the writing on the envelope. Oh god, she remembered writing that envelope. "Dom, where did you get that from?" She thought Carole must have thrown it away since she hadn't told Dom anything. But there it was the letter she wrote for him all those years ago.

He hadn't answered her question and was just staring at the floor. She realised that maybe it was the letter that had caused this. She still remembers writing it she'd had no idea what to say and in the end, had settled for the truth and telling him how much she loved him. Hopefully reinforcing what Carole had promised to tell him.

But that hadn't happened and now she and Dom were both reeling from finding each other. Here she was sat next to her little boy and she didn't know what to do. She wanted to reach out and hug him but wasn't sure how it would be received.

Instead, she put the file to one side and moved so that she was in front of Dom and reached for his face. She gently wiped his tears stroking his cheek as she did. When he didn't pull away she felt encouraged and reached to hug him. Dominic burrowed his head into her hair and started crying properly as he reached his arms around to cling to her as Chloe used to when she was small and scared.

Ange started talking to him in a low tone just trying to calm him down. Telling him that it was fine to be upset and that things would be ok and that he wasn't alone.

Dom was clinging on to Ange like a lifeline. Much like when she hugged him the day after his birthday it felt so familiar and so safe. He could hear her talking to him gently was starting to be soothed by the sound of her voice. Eventually, the tears starting drying up and his breathing eased but he found he didn't really want to let go.

Carole had hugged him before of course loads really. But it didn't really feel like this, like safety and home all rolled into one. Carole was soft and lovely but she fussed so much and it was nice just to be held. He realised as a grown man he shouldn't really feel that way and started to pull away.

Ange let him go although she too didn't really want to. For the first time since finding out, she'd started to really link her baby boy and grown-up Dom together. It had been hard as she knew Dom wanted to form a bond but she'd still been looking for her baby.

" Sorry", Dom muttered " it just all hit me at once and I read your letter and it just made me realise how awful I was being about it all and only thinking about my hurt and not thinking of how this affects you or Chloe". Ange moved back from him and picked the letter off the floor to hand to Dom. "It's alright I can understand I know this is hard but we will work it out I promise," she said sincerely.

" I know waiting for the right time to tell Chloe is hard and that you want to be her brother I will tell her soon but Dom you have to know that Chloe and I aren't your only family you have Carole and Lofty and his grandmother too. You're not alone. Have you spoken to anyone about all this yet?" Ange asked hoping that he had. Although keeping it all bottled in is a Godard family trait.

"No I didn't want to worry Lofty and ruin his and Shelagh's big trip, I was going to talk to Zosia but she's preparing for the baby and with the surgery and stuff, I just couldn't do it. There isn't really anyone else I could trust with it right now" Dom responded. He felt exhausted now but much better for releasing all the upset from earlier. " It's alright I don't really need to talk I just read the letter when I was tired and it wasn't really what I was expecting from the file. I thought it would just be facts and stuff".

"I assume you requested it from the agency?" Ange asked. "Yeah Mu...Carole suggested it she said that it might help me think things through. I guess she was right it would've been the way to start after finding out if I didn't already know you." Dom said. Dom noticed Ange winced when he almost called Carole Mum. "I'm sorry I'm trying not to call her that but its habit" "No it's right that you call Carole Mum Dom" Ange interrupted. "She is your Mum, I'm family, yeah but I'm never going to be the Mum that raised you. I gave up that right when I gave you up"

Dom shook his head, "It doesn't feel right calling her that anymore. I know she's been a Mum to me but she's not my only Mum" " Well maybe we can come up with something else to call me later once we've thought about it a bit" suggested Ange.

" Yeah ok maybe, that does sound good," said Dominic coming over really tired and yawning loudly. Ange snorted, " It looks like you're ready to head home. Why don't you go and get some rest and we can talk again later". Dom nodded and gathered up his folder and made to go to the door. When he got there he turned back and said softly, " Thanks Mum".

Ange looked up him and smiled sadly. " You're welcome sweetheart" Dom turned and left heading for home. Ange sat back on the sofa and let out a deep sigh. He called her Mum and it felt wonderful but she felt like she was stealing him away. She'd need to come up with something else special for him to call her. It was only fair to Carole.

She'd planned on doing some admin but instead, she started making plans on how to tell Chloe. It was only fair to Dominic he too had been through so much.


	4. After Ex Marks the Spot

Dom watched Chloe leave the training room. Damn he'd buggered that up. He hadn't meant that genetics thing to relate to Chloe's father. He just meant he hoped that messes like this weren't genetic but he couldn't deny it when she asked. There have been enough secrets between them. He almost laughed when she asked about secret Mother and Son chats. Till yesterday he couldn't really say there'd been much.

Dom didn't really know what to do now. Should he message Ange and let her know that he's seen Chloe. Probably should, he felt even more guilty than ever now. He was the big brother it was his job to protect her and he knew how hard the news that your Mum had been lying to you your whole life was to take.

He packed up his things and started heading towards the YAU. He could speak to Ange in person and own up and maybe find out if Chloe was ok. He could see Ange wasn't in her office or on the ward. He wondered if maybe she was with Chloe so popped her a message, "Chloe came to find me when she knew, didn't really go well think I upset her more saying the wrong things I'm so sorry. Is there anything you need me to do? Dom"

It had been a long day of training and he thought he might head home. He headed back downstairs; he could see Carole at reception. He sighed and thought back to yesterday with Ange, he knew she was right and that Carole was his Mum, he just wasn't sure he could forgive her for lying to him for so long especially as he could have had extra years with Ange and Chloe if he'd known when he was 18.

He knew he'd been hard on her, he wished she hadn't taken the job so that he could have some space from her. He snorted to himself who was he kidding space is not something Carole had ever understood. Maybe he should speak with her.

He walked over, "Hey Mum" "Dazzle, have you had a good day?" Carole beamed at him. "It's been ok thanks. Look I know I've not been very nice about this whole thing, it's all been a big shock and I still don't really understand it all. But I just wanted to say I do love you and I appreciate that you're not stepping between me and Ange. I just need some time to sort my head out a bit and then maybe we can talk about it more," he explained quietly.

Carole starting looking rather guilty and blurted out, "I'm sorry love but I thought she knew well she said she knew and then she guessed about you and oh it's all such a mess." Dom was getting a bit confused. "I'm sorry what are you talking about?"

"Chloe love didn't she tell you? She worked it all out, bit like Ange said you did actually" Carole laughed nervously. "Really? Well done Mum, Ange finally decides that it's the right time to tell her and you just blurt it out" Dom said angrily. " I need to go find Ange, she was really worried about Chloe and how she would react to it all." He stormed off towards the main door to see if Ange was outside with her vape. Not even giving Carole a backwards glance.

Dom found Ange sitting on the bench outside the entrance that Carole had spent all day on the day she'd told him about being adopted. Ange was just staring into space. He went and sat beside her.

"Hey, Mu...Carole said that Chloe found out before you could tell her, she came to see me and well we had words and she worked out you'd told me about well you know. Is she umm are you both ok?" said Dom awkwardly. Ange laughed tensely, "No no she's not she thinks I've betrayed her and she left with Evan when I tried to explain. I think she had a panic attack too." Dom was feeling even guiltier now. If only he hadn't sent that email or hadn't pushed Ange so hard. He didn't really know what to say. He wanted to comfort Ange, she looked lost.

Ange almost jumped as she felt Dom wrap his arm around her, she hadn't expected him to touch her again. Other than yesterday he usually pulled away from her. She was feeling awful about all of this, both of her children were suffering because of decisions she'd made. Dom had said earlier he felt guilty all the time and she hated that and now Chloe well she didn't really know what Chloe was feeling but she was sure she was angry and upset. Ange was really worried that she'd left with Evan. Something just seemed really off with him.

She sat there with Dom just soaking in his presence. She'd almost given up hope of meeting her baby again. She'd been sure when by the time his 20th birthday and come and gone that he'd decided that he didn't want to trace her and she'd resigned herself to that. Shed thought of him every day since the day she'd handed him to Carole and often wondered what he would be like. She'd never expected to find him this way.

She always thought he would be in Scotland with two amazing parents and be happy and that if he'd wanted to reunite with her he could have had that choice. And it wasn't that way at all. She was upset that Carole hadn't told him although Carole had said she'd tried and things had gotten complicated. She wondered what she'd meant. But then she hadn't helped matters by letting Dom guess who she was.

It was such a mess but she was very glad to have the solid warmth of her son next to her. Maybe she couldn't reach Chloe right now. She knew Chloe and she'd need time to think and to look at everything from every angle. She hoped that she wouldn't be panicking or questioning Anges love for her. In the meantime maybe she could do something for Dom.

She reached and squeezed his hand and asked, "Are you heading home now?" Dom nodded quietly looking down at Ange's hand holding his. He hated going home to an empty house; it just didn't feel as homey without Lofty there. It was his own fault he'd pushed him to go away, he could've gone with them and he'd chosen not to. Although if he had then; he wouldn't have found the truth.

"I'm going to go and get changed and get my stuff, if you'd like there's something at home I'd like to show you if you're happy to come with me? Invited Ange." Dom was shocked just last week Ange hadn't wanted to see him outside of work at all and he refused to think about how much that had hurt. Maybe yesterday and Chloe knowing had changed things more than he thought. Or looking at Ange who was looking sad, maybe he wasn't the only one who didn't want to go home to an empty house.

He agreed and said he would wait where he was. Ange squeezed his hand again and went to go and get ready. She grabbed her phone and popped a quick message to Chloe saying she was there if she needed her and that she was sorry that things had come out this way. She passed by Carole who gave her a nervous smile, she didn't know what to say to her without getting upset and Dom was waiting for her so she just nodded at her and headed upstairs.

Dom sat on the bench quietly just watching people go by. He wished once again he'd said something better when Chloe had come to him. He really wanted to get to know his sister more, he'd always wanted siblings partly so he wouldn't feel so alone but also to look after and guide them in a way that he'd felt he'd missed. With Chloe he had hopes they'd become good friends. Similar to how Arthur and Zosia were his family and best friends really.

He was so lost in his thoughts he jumped when Ange appeared in front of him and asked him if he was ready to go. He nodded and grabbed his bag and followed Ange to her car. He realised he didn't know where she lived or if she lived with anyone he hadn't thought to ask before and he couldn't bring himself to now. Ange started asking him about his course and he found himself chatting about it easily it was a nice safe topic for them both.

Luckily the car ride wasn't long and he recognised the neighbourhood so knew he wouldn't have any trouble getting home when needed. Ange hopped out and he followed her to the door.

Ange could see Dom was nervous and if she was honest so was she but she was determined that Dom not feel badly as much as she could. She opened the door and beckoned Dom in. She led him through to the kitchen and motioned for him to take a seat at the table.

"You wait there for a sec I'm just gonna go and get something" said Ange, heading upstairs to her room. She tried ringing Chloe again on the way up but there was no answer and she didn't want to leave another message. She reached her bedroom and put all of her things on the bed and went over to her drawers. She reached in and picked up Doms box.

She clutched it to her chest, she wasn't sure she was ready to do this, but she could see Dom needed it. Over the last few weeks he'd made several comments about being kept in a box and he'd been right. She had kept him in a box for years and years and now that Chloe knew, he deserved to see that she wasn't keeping him there anymore. She grabbed the photo frame that she'd bought last night.

She walked back into the kitchen to find Dom sat looking at his hands waiting for her. She quietly sat down beside him and put the box on the table between them. "Hey, I wanted to show you something. This, this is your box, the one I kept you in after I gave you up, it was well it was the only way I could cope with it all. But now well I thought maybe we could open it together so you could see I'm not keeping you in here anymore" she said quietly.

Dom was stunned he hadn't really thought that there would be a box and now there it was in front of him. A little shoebox that held his life in, his first life anyway. He reached forward to touch the lid and at Ange's encouraging nod he lifted it up.


	5. After Ex Marks the Spot 2

After Ex Marks the Spot 2

At the top of the box was a photo of a young Ange holding a baby, he reached for it and started trying to memorize every detail. Ange smiled sadly at the photo. "My Mum took that, when you were 3 weeks old." Dom responded, "You look sad,"Ange laughed, "No not sad just tired and grumpy."

Ange took out the picture frame and reached for the photo, "I thought maybe it was time to put this with the others," nodding towards a few photos on a table in the hall that Dom hadn't noticed on the way in. He let Ange take the photo from him as he got up to have a look at the others.

The first one was obviously Ange and a teen Chloe together somewhere green with mud on their clothes both grinning wildly. Then another of Ange holding a baby he assumed was Chloe with almost the same expression that had been on his photo. And the last one was an older couple with a young girl between them. Maybe Ange?

Ange finally finished putting the photo in the frame and stood beside Dom and placed it beside the others. "There see out of the box where it belongs," she said quietly. Dom sniffed and stared at his photo alongside the others.

She pointed at the first photo of her and Chloe "Me and your sister took a camping trip in the highlands when she was 12, it rained non-stop and we only lasted a day. Got that muddy just getting back to the car," she explained. "Then that one was taken when Chloe was 3 weeks as well, I wanted one of both of you at the same age, although I must admit I was much more tired in that one. Chloe didn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, not like you. You slept like an angel from the day you were born. It was me who couldn't sleep then."

Dom nodded towards the last one, "And that one? "That's me and my parents; I think I was about 8 or 9 back before things were difficult between us all." Dom snorted," You mean before I came along and ruined it all."Ange shook her head, "That's not what I meant, my parents and I started fighting a lot not long after that. I wasn't keen on church and it as their life and the more they pushed the more I rebelled. Having you was the final straw for my Dad but for me you were everything Dom."

"But you gave me up," Dom cried. "You left me with strangers and put me in that box! Was a shoebox all I was worth to you? What did I do that was so bad to deserve that? I've spent my entire life feeling out of place and alone because of you. I didn't even have my name, all I had was Carole. And she did her best I know she did but she wasn't you, she could never have been you."

Ange felt tears forming in her eyes as her son completely lost it in front of her. "It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life; I promise you Dominic that there weren't any other choices to keep you safe. I couldn't leave my parents there wasn't anywhere for me to go at that age, my only option was to give you up. He would have hurt you and I couldn't let that happen. "She said firmly, he voice breaking at the end as her tears started to fall.

They were both crying now. "But we would have been together, like we should have been. I know you were trying to protect me and you said you couldn't have been a Mum to me but you were you were my Mum for 6 months, what did I do?" Dom begged for the answer.

Ange reached for Dom's face and moved closer and made sure he was looking at her eyes. It was important he knew this." You did nothing wrong nothing at all, you're wonderful and I'm so proud of you even though I have no right to be. When you were 5 and a half months old, my father he well he hurt my mother when he came home early and the house wasn't tidy enough for him, I'd left the laundry or something I can't remember exactly and he blamed me. But my mum, she told him it was her fault that she'd told me not to do it. She protected me and he hurt her. He said that next time it would be all of us. It made me realise that my job as your Mum was to protect you as she had done and this was the only option I had."

Dom nodded he understood that he did, it just his heart hadn't caught up with his head yet. He reached for Ange hoping that she would hold him again as she had before. As soon as she saw his arms reach towards her she pulled him towards her and wrapped him in her arms. "That shoebox has been my most important possession for your whole life; it kept all my memories of you safe. I needed that box to keep myself sane, Dom. It kept you safe."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm so angry, I'm sorry I keep pushing you, I'm sorry about saying the wrong things to Chloe, I'm so sorry, " Dom sobbed into her shoulder. "It's not your fault, you have done nothing wrong. It's my fault for not telling Chloe when she was young. And this has been a shock for all of us; it's ok to be angry and confused." Ange soothed as her tears also fell. It hurt that her children were hurting.

After a few minutes, Dom pulled away and turned around to pull himself together. Ange too took the opportunity to wipe her eyes. " Tell you what I could really use a drink right now, would you like a hot chocolate or a beige sweet tea" Offered Ange. Dom snorted, "Sure a hot chocolate sounds good."

Ange moved back to the kitchen and started the kettle boiling. Dom sat back at the table and started looking at a few more items in the box, a blue hat and his hospital tag. He wasn't really processing what they were he was too overloaded. He pushed the box away and said, "I don't think I can look through anymore today", he admitted.

Ange nodded, "That's ok it's here when you're ready." She placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of him but left hers on the counter. She smiled as she saw Dom reaching his hands round the cup as if the heat could soothe him.

"I'm going to try and call Chloe again, just want to make sure she's ok or at least leave her another message. You can go and sit on the sofa if you like. The tv remote is somewhere in there." She offered thinking maybe he'd like something to do in case Chloe picked up and she was on the phone for a while.

He nodded and grabbed his drink and headed to the sofa he could see through the door at the end of the room. Thinking Ange would probably want some privacy. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. It was on some comedy thing he'd seen before but he just let the noise wash over him as he sipped his hot chocolate. Ange must have put some cold water or milk in because it was perfect drinking temperature.

He just didn't want to think for a bit. Everything lately had just been so hard, so much upheaval and he felt like he was turning into a clingy basket case. He realised part of that was he was exhausted and really should be heading home otherwise he'd be in no condition to work tomorrow. He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye though. He put his empty mug down on a coffee table in front of him and just watched the TV thinking Ange probably wouldn't be long and then he'd head off.

Ange tried Chloe's mobile again but it was switched off, a clear message she didn't want to hear from her. She left a message anyway, wanting to reassure Chloe that she loved her and that she was sorry for not telling her sooner. She then went upstairs to check that there weren't any messages on her computer or the landline. There wasn't anything at all. She sighed she'd known Chloe wouldn't react well to her not having shared this before but she'd never known how to say it or wanted Chloe to compare herself to Dom and feel any less than she should. All she could do now was deal with the fallout.

She headed back downstairs thinking she'd offer Dom a lift home. She'd seen him walk into work so she didn't think he had a car, in fact she wasn't sure he could drive. Something to ask him later. She went through the kitchen and grabbed her hot chocolate intending to drink it quickly and paused in the doorway to the lounge.

Dom had obviously been very tired; he was asleep sat up on her sofa. His head tilted back awkwardly. She smiled she couldn't count the number of times Chloe had done that when she was a teenager. Always insisting she wasn't tired and then dropping off a few mins into a TV program. She still kept a pillow and blanket by the sofa now just in case she visited.

She went to grab them quietly putting her cup next to Dom's as she did. She put the pillow down and left the blanket to one side. She guided Dom down towards the pillow, he half woke up and started protesting but she shushed him and said, "Its fine Dom, go back to sleep." He nodded sleepily as his head dropped to the pillow and his legs stretched out. She grabbed the blanket and covered him.

She just stood looking at him sleeping for a moment, he looked so young like this, so unguarded. She allowed herself to watch for a moment more before turning off the telly and grabbing the cups in one hand. She backed out of the room turning off the lights and closing the door.

She left the cups in the kitchen and headed upstairs. She got ready for bed and set her radio alarm for the next day. She thought she would be too wound up to sleep but found herself drifting off quickly.

When she woke the next morning, Dom had left, he'd folded up the blanket on top of the pillow and left a note saying thanks and that he was popping home to shower and change before work. She wondered if maybe he'd felt awkward about sleeping on her sofa.

Meanwhile Dom was at home showered and ready for work, he still wasn't sure how he felt about yesterday. In some ways he felt better, although a lot of the feelings were still there and all muddled up. He usually didn't sleep well in strange places but despite sleeping on a sofa he'd slept really well. The half memory of Ange tucking him under a blanket almost a haunting image of what could have been he supposed. He hoped that he wouldn't mess things up anymore this week.


	6. Chapter 6

**During the Lunch Scene in "The Wrong Horse" as Carole Watches**

Carole looked over and saw her Dazzle, Angel and Chloe sat down for lunch. She smiled wistfully at the sight wishing she could join them. She quickly darted into reception so she didn't have to watch anymore. Tears started forming in her eyes.

She was desperate to know how he was. He'd not spoken to her in weeks now. She knew that he looked ok, but her Dazzle was so good at hiding his feelings. She was worried he wasn't coping. Her heart was breaking watching him replace her.

She's known once she'd told him that he wouldn't be just hers anymore and that he would be angry but she'd hoped not to lose him entirely.

She'd failed him by not telling him the truth, just like she failed him by not standing up to Barry and Isaac for him. She'd always let him down but she couldn't bring herself to leave Barry, he'd stuck by her and let her bring Dazzle home.

Darren had been such a difficult boy in so many ways. They'd adored each other but he'd always kept a part of himself back even with her. And he'd never taken to Barry really, although Barry had tried they were just so different and not what each other wanted at all. Eventually it had all turned rotten and Barry had washed his hands of Darren even trying to get her to do the same but she wouldn't.

She wasn't stupid she knew that part of that was probably the adoption; he'd taken months to settle with them, never sleeping often crying all the time. The social worker had said it was normal and it would go away once the memories of Angel had faded. And it had, but now she wonders maybe he still remembered somewhere deep down.

When they'd talked after Angel started working at the hospital his chats about work had been full of Ange, he'd been desperate to work for her and to impress her. Carole wondered if he'd been trying to reconnect without really knowing why.

She knew that Dom would want to be part of his new family. She hoped it would give him the sense of belonging he'd always been searching for, but she was anxious he was going to get hurt. He was so very sensitive and Ange was very focused on Chloe, he'd never had to share before.

She could hear raised voices now although she couldn't make out what they were saying. She watched Chloe storm away and sighed it didn't look to be going well. She'd have to hope that Angel would protect and be patient with their boy.

She wiped away her tears and put a smile on her face, she wanted to be at her best in case her Dazzle needed her.


	7. Chapter 7

**After Lofty Told Dom**

Dom was so angry he didn't know what to do with himself. He stood at the top of the stairs staring down at the floor. He had tears in his eyes but he wasn't going to let anymore fall.

He let his anger override the hurt he was feeling, Lofty had betrayed him, Carole had lied to him all his life, Barry could never accept him and hated who he was, Chloe hated him and didn't want him to come between her and Ange and Ange well she just plain didn't want him. It was clear he would never be her son in the way he wanted. Despite all she'd said and done and taken his photo out of his box it was clear she now wanted to put him back in there.

Well he would show them that he didn't need any of them. He started looking at his phone trying to remember the name of the hook-up app that Isaac used to use. He'd betray Lofty and see how he felt after that. It's not like a Dom's life could get any worse, he could use a bit of fun.

He installed the app and built himself a new profile. He checked the time and realised he needed to get back to check on his patient, he started swiping through matches as he walked back.

He saw to his patient and fed him a pack of lies to tell about his scar and then carried on swiping though. Because let's face it everybody lied, he'd tried to change to be better but in the end even if he didn't lie everyone else did anyway.

He almost passed out when Isaacs picture came up, leaning against the wall to keep himself upright. He'd known his prison sentence was over but he hadn't thought he would ever see him again. But there he was looking as handsome and charming as ever.

He couldn't forget all that Isaac had said to him, the words always running through his head on bad days, maybe Isaac had been right Dom didn't deserve to have exclusive relationships. Isaac had always said Dom wasn't enough and that he was too needy. That only he understood Dom. Maybe he was right, he didn't deserve love and had to be punished and pushed to be good enough.

Dom couldn't stop the thoughts going through his head, he wanted, he didn't know what he wanted. He was such a mess. He wanted to hurt Lofty and he wanted to hurt himself just like he deserved. He wasn't good enough for anyone; Isaac was the best he could hope for. He should have been more grateful.

He looked through the app until he found Isaac again; he sent him a message asking to meet. Isaac responded almost immediately saying he could meet him outside at the end of his shift.


	8. Chapter 8

**After Evan Tells Ange to Stay Away**

Ange watched Evan head down the stairs after Chloe. Maybe he was right, she had caused this and she couldn't fix it. She desperately wanted to be there for Chloe, she'd pushed Dom away so that Chloe could have her full attention.

She was terrified that Chloe had hurt herself again and was so glad that Evan had been there for her but it wasn't the same. She needed Chloe to see that she was loved, that Dom being here didn't mean she was being replaced. She needed Chloe to realise that she'd always loved both of her children the same, despite their different beginnings.

She'd had so much hope when Chloe had agreed to come to lunch. That maybe it was going to be ok, but Dom was obviously pushing for acceptance and it was too soon for Chloe. And she didn't even know what to think about the email and arranging for Chloe to be in theatre.

She knew she'd been harsh with him in her office, but she needed to focus on Chloe and she felt so bad that Carole was being left out in the cold by Dom and she thought this might push him back to her. She worried she'd lost him too now.

She always imagined her children together and happy probably not too dissimilar to Dom's hopes actually, but she didn't know how to get them all there.

Chloe had struggled for years before but she'd been in such a good place lately and Ange hated that's she'd ruined that for her. She'd worked hard with Chloe to help her see that her conception didn't make her who she was and it looked like she was sliding backwards.

This was all her fault. She should've told Chloe about Dom when she was small they could have both loved him from a distance. Then this would have been a happy reunion.

It hurt so much to push Dom back again but she needed him to understand, he had Carole and Lofty to support him. She thought back to the night she'd taken his photo out of the box and put it in its rightful place. He'd been so upset, she'd relished holding him just as she had after he'd read her letter.

God what had she done, he was clearly struggling as well and she'd pushed him back even though she knew he likely wouldn't go back to Carole and his Dad didn't want him around. She didn't know how to do this, how to parent two children and consider both their needs and Dom clearly needed her too.

She stood staring out the window watching Chloe approach the horse outside. She smiled sadly, Chloe had loved riding when she was younger she wondered if Dom did too. God what a mess, she needed to find a way through this, for all of them.


	9. Chapter 9

**While Chloe is standing with Fred**

Chloe stroked the horse's muzzle and cuddled into his neck. She'd forgotten how much she loved them. He felt safe and calming, bringing her thoughts back into focus after seeing her mum on the had been such a long day, she didn't know if she could cope with this, thank God for Evan.

She felt so betrayed; her Mum had hidden this from her all her life, and then shared her conception story with Dom. They'd looked so cosy in Pulses before she got there. Her and her horrible history didn't fit into that, her Mum deserved a normal child like Dom.

But she was also terrified she was going to lose her Mum to him, she didn't understand why her Mum had kept her, why she hadn't just aborted her or given her up like Dom. She couldn't look at her Mum without thinking about how much she must hurt her just by being there. She felt so guilty and shameful.

Nothing was ok; she wished she could be happy she was gaining a brother but what if Evan was right? What if Dom was manipulating things? Trying to get her shut out so he could have Mum. And why wouldn't Mum choose him, she'd loved him, loved his dad and pined for him all the time. What if Dom saw her as the monster she is?

She knew now why her Mum had always been sad on Dom's birthday, she'd always wondered but her Mum had always deflected her questions. She wondered why her grandmother hadn't kept Dom too after all she must have loved him more.

She felt so alone, at least she had Evan. She could see him just coming through the door. She was so glad he'd stopped her Mum coming after her. She couldn't talk to her now.

She patted the horse one last time and went back to Evan. At least he hadn't lied to her like everyone else. He'd been a rock for her all day, even though she'd treated him horribly before. She was such a monster.


	10. Chapter 10

**Dom Goes to Meet Isaac**

When it was time to head outside, Dom grabbed his hoodie and phone and went out. With each step it was feeling less and less like a good idea.

He knew Hansson, Sacha and Eddie would be furious with him for asking Isaac onto hospital grounds, and Zosia's voice was echoing in his head that it wasn't passion it was violence. That he deserved better.

He pushed the voice away, he knew different now, his family didn't think he deserved better and neither did his husband. Clearly Zosia was wrong; she just didn't know how awful he was. He snorted Barry had always known, always told him there was something wrong with him. Before had thought Barry was just an idiot but now he realised who better than his Dad to see the truth. Even if he wasn't his proper dad.

He sent a message saying he was here. As he did he remembered the stairs and the fear he felt when had fallen, the fear that he still felt sometimes while on the stairs. The drugs afterwards and the withdrawal. What was he doing, why was he doing this?

He turned to leave.


End file.
